Personal experiences 3
NB The material published here is either already in the public domain or Misophonia UK has secured the permission of the copyright owner. All the accounts have been given by real people, even if anonymised.
1) I had never heard of misophonia, and I’m a psychologist!
2) That clock!
3) Mimicking the noises somehow helped
4) My family joke "it's a good job I'm not easily irritated"!
5) "I feel for my brother more now..."
2) That clock!
3) Mimicking the noises somehow helped
4) My family joke "it's a good job I'm not easily irritated"!
5) "I feel for my brother more now..."
1) I had never heard of misophonia, and I’m a psychologist!
I had never heard of this until yesterday, and I’m a psychologist! I have had it since I was 9. It started with sounds my mother made with her mouth, and the whistling sound my father made when he breathed. As many people have said, dinnertime became torture for me. I would cry and become full of rage. My family alternated between getting angry and laughing at me. By high school, I avoided the family table altogether. I was struck by reading how many people are triggered by gum. I actually avoid certain friends because of this. I close my office door because I can’t stand various sounds from co-workers. I could go on and on, but others have pretty well covered it. I am now 45 and feel like a veil has been lifted. I immediately emailed family members information about it – “see, I’m not just an irritable, critical bitch for no reason!” Thank you for your website/organization.
Penelope Russell, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Guidance Clinic
Juvenile Justice Center
(510) 481-4258
I had never heard of this until yesterday, and I’m a psychologist! I have had it since I was 9. It started with sounds my mother made with her mouth, and the whistling sound my father made when he breathed. As many people have said, dinnertime became torture for me. I would cry and become full of rage. My family alternated between getting angry and laughing at me. By high school, I avoided the family table altogether. I was struck by reading how many people are triggered by gum. I actually avoid certain friends because of this. I close my office door because I can’t stand various sounds from co-workers. I could go on and on, but others have pretty well covered it. I am now 45 and feel like a veil has been lifted. I immediately emailed family members information about it – “see, I’m not just an irritable, critical bitch for no reason!” Thank you for your website/organization.
Penelope Russell, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Guidance Clinic
Juvenile Justice Center
(510) 481-4258
2) That clock!
I was so relieved to see the NBC news report on this. I thought I was nuts. My wife thinks I'm nuts, as do many of my friends. All of my life I have zeroed in on sounds that disturb me greatly. Gum chewing at work has been the worst. I can’t concentrate on my work. I just find myself waiting for the next gum crack.
My wife received a college graduation gift from her parents, a regulator swing pendulum clock. We were married at 35. She hung the clock in our dining room. I could hear that clock tick....every single tick tock. I found that, while watching TV, I would soon lose interest in the programme, because I lost the conversation or dialogue. Why? I was concentrating on the clock ticking. In fact, in my mind I would try to find a defect in the clock by counting the seconds between each tick to see if the clock was off beat. Tick (one thousand and one, one thousand and two), tock (one thousand and one, one thousand and two), trying to see if the time space between each tick was the same, forgetting what I was watching and hearing on TV. It’s the same with reading a book. I found that, instead of concentrating on the book, I would discover I did not know what I was reading and would have to begin the page over again. I thought I was a lunatic. I tried to stuff the back of the clock with cotton, so it would not be so loud. That did not work, so we had to stop the clock and use it for a wall ornament. I felt so bad for my wife. She loved that clock. I would try to start it again, but it never got better.
I could go on and on with other sounds, but this was my most bothersome.
Dennis, Pittsburgh PA
I was so relieved to see the NBC news report on this. I thought I was nuts. My wife thinks I'm nuts, as do many of my friends. All of my life I have zeroed in on sounds that disturb me greatly. Gum chewing at work has been the worst. I can’t concentrate on my work. I just find myself waiting for the next gum crack.
My wife received a college graduation gift from her parents, a regulator swing pendulum clock. We were married at 35. She hung the clock in our dining room. I could hear that clock tick....every single tick tock. I found that, while watching TV, I would soon lose interest in the programme, because I lost the conversation or dialogue. Why? I was concentrating on the clock ticking. In fact, in my mind I would try to find a defect in the clock by counting the seconds between each tick to see if the clock was off beat. Tick (one thousand and one, one thousand and two), tock (one thousand and one, one thousand and two), trying to see if the time space between each tick was the same, forgetting what I was watching and hearing on TV. It’s the same with reading a book. I found that, instead of concentrating on the book, I would discover I did not know what I was reading and would have to begin the page over again. I thought I was a lunatic. I tried to stuff the back of the clock with cotton, so it would not be so loud. That did not work, so we had to stop the clock and use it for a wall ornament. I felt so bad for my wife. She loved that clock. I would try to start it again, but it never got better.
I could go on and on with other sounds, but this was my most bothersome.
Dennis, Pittsburgh PA
3) Mimicking the noises somehow helped
I'd just love to say how happy I am to have found this condition and this group. I have never been so relieved to know that I'm not going crazy. My misophonia has continually gotten worse in the last 4 years. I don't know how I survived high school and I barely made it out of college alive. It has affected my grades, my relationships and my mental health. It feels so good to finally get this off of my chest.
I started noticing my condition at a very young age at the dinner table. Chewing is my primary trigger. Any part of chewing, the clicking of teeth, the smacking of food, the popping of jaws. I couldn't stand the noise of my family chewing. I can't tell you how many fights started in my household with my parents and my brothers over their eating habits. But I couldn't control the rage that those noises caused me. I used to say I wasn't hungry because I couldn't handle the anxiety of sitting at meals. I'd try and finish my dinner first. If I couldn't finish by the time I was about to burst with rage, I'd leave the table and wouldn't finish my meal.
I feel that my misophonia has gotten completely out of control. Middle school I started noticing that I couldn't concentrate in class because of people chewing gum, tapping their shoes, tapping their pens, clicking the pens. The way people even breathed set me off. I used to think I had ADHD because the noises got me extremely distracted. However, ADHD doesn't come with the anxiety, rage and anger that I have with these noises. I could go home from school that day and not be able to remember I single thing I was supposed to learn, because I was so distracted with these annoyances. The day that chewing gum was banned in my school, was the happiest day of my life. I purposely used to get people in trouble for chewing gum because I couldn't stand the noise. Thinking about these noises now has set me off.
Swimming is the only time my world is completely silent
High school was worse. I feel like my sensitivity to these noises reached their full potential. I'd do ANYTHING not to have to sit in class and listen to the noises. Then I realized mimicking the noises somehow helped with the anxiety. I'd tap my foot with the other people. I'd click my pen every time someone else would click theirs, and I'd smack my gum every time someone would smack theirs. I know people caught on to what I was doing, and sometimes I hoped they would so they would know how annoying they were being. I slowly got more trigger noises, whispers, the pipes, refrigerators, keyboards, texting. Most noises that most people don't listen or pay attention too, drove me absolutely crazy! I know that I withdrew in high school from certain people because of the noises they constantly made. In high school, I realized that noises are just noises.
College was when I really started to think I was crazy. Lecture halls were my nemesis. I had to sit in the back, far enough that I couldn't read the board, because it was easier for me to try and pay attention if the noises are in front of me. Libraries were completely out of the question. I used to have to pass on hanging out with friends at the library because I can't handle the noises of the libraries. My friends had so much fun studying at them, but I couldn't put myself through it. I couldn't study at home either, though. The noises of people walking above me. The noise of someone doing dishes. The faint hint of talking below me. I know that my studies have lacked because I can't handle the noise and trying to focus. The rage and anger that builds inside of me listening to these noises is at times unbearable.
I used to think I was going crazy, that someday I'd lose my mind because I can't handle the noises. I feel that my case of misophonia is in the severe category because of all of my trigger noises, and the severity of the anxiety and anger it causes me.
However, the only thing that has helped is swimming. Swimming is the only time my world is completely silent and nothing triggers me into the anxious feeling I get on land.
I'd just love to say how happy I am to have found this condition and this group. I have never been so relieved to know that I'm not going crazy. My misophonia has continually gotten worse in the last 4 years. I don't know how I survived high school and I barely made it out of college alive. It has affected my grades, my relationships and my mental health. It feels so good to finally get this off of my chest.
I started noticing my condition at a very young age at the dinner table. Chewing is my primary trigger. Any part of chewing, the clicking of teeth, the smacking of food, the popping of jaws. I couldn't stand the noise of my family chewing. I can't tell you how many fights started in my household with my parents and my brothers over their eating habits. But I couldn't control the rage that those noises caused me. I used to say I wasn't hungry because I couldn't handle the anxiety of sitting at meals. I'd try and finish my dinner first. If I couldn't finish by the time I was about to burst with rage, I'd leave the table and wouldn't finish my meal.
I feel that my misophonia has gotten completely out of control. Middle school I started noticing that I couldn't concentrate in class because of people chewing gum, tapping their shoes, tapping their pens, clicking the pens. The way people even breathed set me off. I used to think I had ADHD because the noises got me extremely distracted. However, ADHD doesn't come with the anxiety, rage and anger that I have with these noises. I could go home from school that day and not be able to remember I single thing I was supposed to learn, because I was so distracted with these annoyances. The day that chewing gum was banned in my school, was the happiest day of my life. I purposely used to get people in trouble for chewing gum because I couldn't stand the noise. Thinking about these noises now has set me off.
Swimming is the only time my world is completely silent
High school was worse. I feel like my sensitivity to these noises reached their full potential. I'd do ANYTHING not to have to sit in class and listen to the noises. Then I realized mimicking the noises somehow helped with the anxiety. I'd tap my foot with the other people. I'd click my pen every time someone else would click theirs, and I'd smack my gum every time someone would smack theirs. I know people caught on to what I was doing, and sometimes I hoped they would so they would know how annoying they were being. I slowly got more trigger noises, whispers, the pipes, refrigerators, keyboards, texting. Most noises that most people don't listen or pay attention too, drove me absolutely crazy! I know that I withdrew in high school from certain people because of the noises they constantly made. In high school, I realized that noises are just noises.
College was when I really started to think I was crazy. Lecture halls were my nemesis. I had to sit in the back, far enough that I couldn't read the board, because it was easier for me to try and pay attention if the noises are in front of me. Libraries were completely out of the question. I used to have to pass on hanging out with friends at the library because I can't handle the noises of the libraries. My friends had so much fun studying at them, but I couldn't put myself through it. I couldn't study at home either, though. The noises of people walking above me. The noise of someone doing dishes. The faint hint of talking below me. I know that my studies have lacked because I can't handle the noise and trying to focus. The rage and anger that builds inside of me listening to these noises is at times unbearable.
I used to think I was going crazy, that someday I'd lose my mind because I can't handle the noises. I feel that my case of misophonia is in the severe category because of all of my trigger noises, and the severity of the anxiety and anger it causes me.
However, the only thing that has helped is swimming. Swimming is the only time my world is completely silent and nothing triggers me into the anxious feeling I get on land.
4) My family joke that "it's a good job I'm not easily irritated"!
There is a recognised condition and I am not just miserable and irritable! It has been fascinating to read people's personal accounts. So many replicate my own feelings and reactions. It confirms to me, and my husband, that I have misophonia - although a milder form than some seem to have.
I don't recall when it began, or what the initial trigger was, although it seems to have manifested itself in later life. My husband seems to be the main innocent antagonist, as the family have all left home. Some of my triggers are:
• apple eating (which almost drives me crazy and I try to banish him to another room)
• sweet crunching (which he does in the car)
• nail biting (when he crunches that bitten-off bit of nail)
• coughing (when he has a cough or cold, it is toughgoing)
• crunchy salad eating
• scraping a knife against a fork
• surround/cinema sound on the tv (unexpected peripheral sounds completely spoil viewing or listening for me)
• tapping on anything
• other family members speaking while chewing, eating with mouths open, etc
• bag rustling (I feel a compulsion to grab).
My fingers clench and my jaw sets and I become almost completely focused on the next bite of the apple, scrape of the cutlery, crunch of the sweet etc. I do not however often feel a real rage, although have left the room or snapped at my husband. It is upsetting for me that those I love so dearly can bother me irrationally and I do try not to react. My husband sometimes is annoyed by my reactions but on the whole accepts it, which helps.
I am so pleased to see there is a real diagnosis for this as we have always thought I was easily irritated. In fact, it is a standing joke - we say 'it is a good job I am not easily irritated'.
I do not feel I need to seek any treatment. This self-diagnosis may be all the support that I and my husband need, so that we can work together to cope.
Charlotte
There is a recognised condition and I am not just miserable and irritable! It has been fascinating to read people's personal accounts. So many replicate my own feelings and reactions. It confirms to me, and my husband, that I have misophonia - although a milder form than some seem to have.
I don't recall when it began, or what the initial trigger was, although it seems to have manifested itself in later life. My husband seems to be the main innocent antagonist, as the family have all left home. Some of my triggers are:
• apple eating (which almost drives me crazy and I try to banish him to another room)
• sweet crunching (which he does in the car)
• nail biting (when he crunches that bitten-off bit of nail)
• coughing (when he has a cough or cold, it is toughgoing)
• crunchy salad eating
• scraping a knife against a fork
• surround/cinema sound on the tv (unexpected peripheral sounds completely spoil viewing or listening for me)
• tapping on anything
• other family members speaking while chewing, eating with mouths open, etc
• bag rustling (I feel a compulsion to grab).
My fingers clench and my jaw sets and I become almost completely focused on the next bite of the apple, scrape of the cutlery, crunch of the sweet etc. I do not however often feel a real rage, although have left the room or snapped at my husband. It is upsetting for me that those I love so dearly can bother me irrationally and I do try not to react. My husband sometimes is annoyed by my reactions but on the whole accepts it, which helps.
I am so pleased to see there is a real diagnosis for this as we have always thought I was easily irritated. In fact, it is a standing joke - we say 'it is a good job I am not easily irritated'.
I do not feel I need to seek any treatment. This self-diagnosis may be all the support that I and my husband need, so that we can work together to cope.
Charlotte
5) "I feel for my brother more now..."
My brother has been experiencing pain and agony for a long time now, I guess 10+ years. He was around 13, maybe earlier, when he started to criticize us for our breathing. I couldn’t take a breath without getting a really nasty look from him, and I remember thinking, “What!? I’m just breathing” and being furious at him for being so furious at me. What was I supposed to do? Stop breathing? I couldn’t inhale without feeling the rage inside me build, because of his reaction to my breath. He would glare at me as if I had committed some unspeakable crime and should be punished for. In time, the same with my parents, especially our mom, if we made any noise that he didn’t like. It was aggravating and had us all angry and resentful.
Soon, my brother would begin raging, and at one point during his early adolescence I’m pretty sure he pushed my mom out of the way so he could take off to his room. He was becoming violent and none of us understood why. He began eating alone because it made life easier for everyone.
He’s now in his 20s and, as we all learn more about this condition, we behave as functionally as possible – allowing him to get his food before us, letting him leave the room before we begin eating, etc. For the most part, it is working, but I know that he suffers, and he’ll tell you when you’re irritating him! Usually it’s a nasty glare or stomping off, but sometimes it’s full-on yelling.
Extended family members don’t get it and have really pushed him in unhelpful ways, such as forcing him to eat with them. It’s been family drama ever since. My immediate family is walking on eggshells when he is around – having to plan our snacks and meals without the freedom to enjoy them without fear of retaliation from him. It doesn’t seem like a big problem (planning meals and snacks) but surprisingly it is. Every time I want something to eat, I’ve got to check where he is and whether or not it is safe. Sometimes we find ourselves sneaking snacks as quickly as possible when he’s not around – not good for a family that has emotional ties to food… imagine, feeling anxious and overwhelmed, so turning to food, then having a family member that freaks out when you do… then wanting to eat. It’s a nightmare at times! My brother will step away from us when we want to eat though, but it hurts to see him have to leave us to hide out while we do something so natural. He misses out on the social aspect of the meal.
I hear what sufferers are experiencing and I feel awful about it; it must be a horrid thing to deal with on a daily basis and to have little escape except for isolation. I feel for my brother more now that I have a better understanding about it, but it still doesn’t take back all the hurtful things he has said and done over the years. We’ve had a pretty horrible relationship that only recently has begun to get better.
With understanding and insight, we, as a family, because this is not an individual issue, are trying to cope and spend time together in as positive ways as possible. It’s tough. But, as we develop coping strategies that we can all live with, we’ll manage. I’m glad to see that we’re not alone.
My brother has been experiencing pain and agony for a long time now, I guess 10+ years. He was around 13, maybe earlier, when he started to criticize us for our breathing. I couldn’t take a breath without getting a really nasty look from him, and I remember thinking, “What!? I’m just breathing” and being furious at him for being so furious at me. What was I supposed to do? Stop breathing? I couldn’t inhale without feeling the rage inside me build, because of his reaction to my breath. He would glare at me as if I had committed some unspeakable crime and should be punished for. In time, the same with my parents, especially our mom, if we made any noise that he didn’t like. It was aggravating and had us all angry and resentful.
Soon, my brother would begin raging, and at one point during his early adolescence I’m pretty sure he pushed my mom out of the way so he could take off to his room. He was becoming violent and none of us understood why. He began eating alone because it made life easier for everyone.
He’s now in his 20s and, as we all learn more about this condition, we behave as functionally as possible – allowing him to get his food before us, letting him leave the room before we begin eating, etc. For the most part, it is working, but I know that he suffers, and he’ll tell you when you’re irritating him! Usually it’s a nasty glare or stomping off, but sometimes it’s full-on yelling.
Extended family members don’t get it and have really pushed him in unhelpful ways, such as forcing him to eat with them. It’s been family drama ever since. My immediate family is walking on eggshells when he is around – having to plan our snacks and meals without the freedom to enjoy them without fear of retaliation from him. It doesn’t seem like a big problem (planning meals and snacks) but surprisingly it is. Every time I want something to eat, I’ve got to check where he is and whether or not it is safe. Sometimes we find ourselves sneaking snacks as quickly as possible when he’s not around – not good for a family that has emotional ties to food… imagine, feeling anxious and overwhelmed, so turning to food, then having a family member that freaks out when you do… then wanting to eat. It’s a nightmare at times! My brother will step away from us when we want to eat though, but it hurts to see him have to leave us to hide out while we do something so natural. He misses out on the social aspect of the meal.
I hear what sufferers are experiencing and I feel awful about it; it must be a horrid thing to deal with on a daily basis and to have little escape except for isolation. I feel for my brother more now that I have a better understanding about it, but it still doesn’t take back all the hurtful things he has said and done over the years. We’ve had a pretty horrible relationship that only recently has begun to get better.
With understanding and insight, we, as a family, because this is not an individual issue, are trying to cope and spend time together in as positive ways as possible. It’s tough. But, as we develop coping strategies that we can all live with, we’ll manage. I’m glad to see that we’re not alone.
If you wish to submit your account of misophonia for publication (to be anonymised unless you consent otherwise), whether as a person with misophonia, family member or friend, please email us here. Misophonia UK reserves the right to edit any entries before publication. Misophonia UK does not necessarily endorse or promote the views expressed. Last content review: 31 May 2012.
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