For family and friends.
We realise that being the family member or friend of someone with misophonia is "no picnic" [no pun intended]. It can be very distressing to have your every movement scrutinised by your loved one, and to be told that you are a noisy or disgusting eater or breather. Especially if they fly into a rage, a typical person with misophonia's reaction.
Even if you know at the back of your mind that your actions are normal, and it is the person with misophonia whose reaction is not, comments like that can hurt. They may affect you deeply.
One reason why the under-diagnosis of misophonia is so shocking is that, in extreme cases, misunderstandings, and a lack of effective coping mechanisms on both sides, can lead to family breakdown and divorce.
That is why communication is so important for those affected by the disease, whether they are people who have it, or those who share their space.
Please note that the Misophonia Support Group is there for everybody affected by misophonia, not just people who have the condition. Reading third-party experiences may help you to come to terms with some of the emotions that both you and your family member or friend go through. Connecting with other people in a similar position as you is a great step towards self-empowerment.
We publish the personal experiences of those who live with misophonia but do not have it as a condition, when we receive them. One such account is given below:
Why don't they think about us?
My sister seems to have misophonia. I have to tell you that, whatever her level of discomfort, she has made us just as miserable over the years. The mimicking (please don’t ever suggest this as a coping mechanism!), the disparaging comments, the dirty looks, the contempt… I can’t even tell you the pain she has caused my parents, my grandmother and myself over the last 35 years or so. Now she has started criticizing my 10-year old daughter for chewing with her mouth open or letting a utensil (gasp!) touch her teeth while she eats. Well, I’ve got news for her. The child’s mouth isn’t large enough to avoid the utensil occasionally touching her teeth! And I will not allow her to criticize my child and make her feel bad about herself the way she did me growing up.
The people diagnosed with misophonia all talk about how mealtimes were agony for them. Well, I've got news for them. It was agony for your family, too. They have no idea what it’s like to try to make no noise at all and still get your sister giving you dirty looks and intentionally smacking her lips at you. I literally walk on tiptoe around her to this day so she won’t comment on my “stomping”, which no one else has ever perceived as abnormal.
Oh, but they have a medical diagnosis. Their problem is real. We can’t blame them. Sigh. What about the rest of us? What about the misery they’ve caused us? No one seems to be talking much about that. And most of them still seem to harbour the belief that the sounds their loved ones make are abnormal. Well, they’re not. The problem is in their neurology or whatever. It’s one thing to ask for help and to say they can’t control the visceral reaction they have to these sounds – but to go on suggesting that the loved ones are at fault for eating or breathing normally… that’s just wrong. Also, for the woman who wanted to hack her husband’s head off every time he coughs – well, I’ve had a persistent cough for many years. I hate it. I try to leave the room when I have a coughing fit. I’ll go sleep on the couch rather than keep my husband awake. But make no mistake – when you have to cough, you cannot stop it. I’ve tried. Many, many times. I’ve tried every medication under the sun, too. Nothing works long-term so far. The doctor doesn’t know what causes it. Hey, maybe it’s a reaction to my sister’s long-term rudeness! No. No one would ever believe that.
The people with the disorder at least have the comfort of knowing that 99 times out of 100, their loved ones aren’t hurting them intentionally. But the comments and mimicking – that’s intentional no matter how you look at it.
This contributor's viewpoint is as important as everybody else's. That goes without saying. But, by the same token, Misophonia UK gets a lot of feedback that loved ones do "hurt their family members intentionally". Also, under intense psychological pressure, mimicking may feel like less of a choice than a life-or-death necessity.
However, her contribution points out that living-with-misophonia can feel like just as much a burden as having-misophonia. It's important for us all to remember that. And to bear in mind that some people have to endure both.
It is also important to realise that misophonia currently has no cure. There are some therapies that give some patients limited relief. One of the reasons Misophonia UK was established is to campaign for greater research funding (starting from a very low base) which may one day lead to a cure or effective therapy. We realise that is probably many years away. In the meantime, we must put our faith in understanding each other better and developing the best coping mechanisms that we can.
● If you haven't done so already, we urge you to read our dealing with misophonia and personal experiences webpages. These may help give you a better insight into all the issues involved.
● You may want to register with us to receive our occasional newlsetter, Misophonia Matters.
● You can read up on the latest research and press coverage of misophonia.
● Buying a present for someone with misophonia? Why not visit our online shop to get some gift ideas?
If there's anything you think we have neglected to cover, your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Tell us by clicking here.
Thank you for taking the time to read this webpage, and for being there for your loved one.
Last content review: 30 May 2012.
We realise that being the family member or friend of someone with misophonia is "no picnic" [no pun intended]. It can be very distressing to have your every movement scrutinised by your loved one, and to be told that you are a noisy or disgusting eater or breather. Especially if they fly into a rage, a typical person with misophonia's reaction.
Even if you know at the back of your mind that your actions are normal, and it is the person with misophonia whose reaction is not, comments like that can hurt. They may affect you deeply.
One reason why the under-diagnosis of misophonia is so shocking is that, in extreme cases, misunderstandings, and a lack of effective coping mechanisms on both sides, can lead to family breakdown and divorce.
That is why communication is so important for those affected by the disease, whether they are people who have it, or those who share their space.
Please note that the Misophonia Support Group is there for everybody affected by misophonia, not just people who have the condition. Reading third-party experiences may help you to come to terms with some of the emotions that both you and your family member or friend go through. Connecting with other people in a similar position as you is a great step towards self-empowerment.
We publish the personal experiences of those who live with misophonia but do not have it as a condition, when we receive them. One such account is given below:
Why don't they think about us?
My sister seems to have misophonia. I have to tell you that, whatever her level of discomfort, she has made us just as miserable over the years. The mimicking (please don’t ever suggest this as a coping mechanism!), the disparaging comments, the dirty looks, the contempt… I can’t even tell you the pain she has caused my parents, my grandmother and myself over the last 35 years or so. Now she has started criticizing my 10-year old daughter for chewing with her mouth open or letting a utensil (gasp!) touch her teeth while she eats. Well, I’ve got news for her. The child’s mouth isn’t large enough to avoid the utensil occasionally touching her teeth! And I will not allow her to criticize my child and make her feel bad about herself the way she did me growing up.
The people diagnosed with misophonia all talk about how mealtimes were agony for them. Well, I've got news for them. It was agony for your family, too. They have no idea what it’s like to try to make no noise at all and still get your sister giving you dirty looks and intentionally smacking her lips at you. I literally walk on tiptoe around her to this day so she won’t comment on my “stomping”, which no one else has ever perceived as abnormal.
Oh, but they have a medical diagnosis. Their problem is real. We can’t blame them. Sigh. What about the rest of us? What about the misery they’ve caused us? No one seems to be talking much about that. And most of them still seem to harbour the belief that the sounds their loved ones make are abnormal. Well, they’re not. The problem is in their neurology or whatever. It’s one thing to ask for help and to say they can’t control the visceral reaction they have to these sounds – but to go on suggesting that the loved ones are at fault for eating or breathing normally… that’s just wrong. Also, for the woman who wanted to hack her husband’s head off every time he coughs – well, I’ve had a persistent cough for many years. I hate it. I try to leave the room when I have a coughing fit. I’ll go sleep on the couch rather than keep my husband awake. But make no mistake – when you have to cough, you cannot stop it. I’ve tried. Many, many times. I’ve tried every medication under the sun, too. Nothing works long-term so far. The doctor doesn’t know what causes it. Hey, maybe it’s a reaction to my sister’s long-term rudeness! No. No one would ever believe that.
The people with the disorder at least have the comfort of knowing that 99 times out of 100, their loved ones aren’t hurting them intentionally. But the comments and mimicking – that’s intentional no matter how you look at it.
This contributor's viewpoint is as important as everybody else's. That goes without saying. But, by the same token, Misophonia UK gets a lot of feedback that loved ones do "hurt their family members intentionally". Also, under intense psychological pressure, mimicking may feel like less of a choice than a life-or-death necessity.
However, her contribution points out that living-with-misophonia can feel like just as much a burden as having-misophonia. It's important for us all to remember that. And to bear in mind that some people have to endure both.
It is also important to realise that misophonia currently has no cure. There are some therapies that give some patients limited relief. One of the reasons Misophonia UK was established is to campaign for greater research funding (starting from a very low base) which may one day lead to a cure or effective therapy. We realise that is probably many years away. In the meantime, we must put our faith in understanding each other better and developing the best coping mechanisms that we can.
● If you haven't done so already, we urge you to read our dealing with misophonia and personal experiences webpages. These may help give you a better insight into all the issues involved.
● You may want to register with us to receive our occasional newlsetter, Misophonia Matters.
● You can read up on the latest research and press coverage of misophonia.
● Buying a present for someone with misophonia? Why not visit our online shop to get some gift ideas?
If there's anything you think we have neglected to cover, your feedback would be greatly appreciated. Tell us by clicking here.
Thank you for taking the time to read this webpage, and for being there for your loved one.
Last content review: 30 May 2012.
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