Personal experiences
NB The material published here is either already in the public domain or Misophonia UK has secured the permission of the copyright owner. All the accounts have been given by real people, even if anonymised.
1) YouTube user Scott shares his experience of misophonia
2) A typical sufferer's account
3) "It felt like a jolt of electric anger..."
4) “When you hear someone else describe their experiences, you just know…”
5) "I don't want to get close to my husband..."
6) "I'm so happy I found this group!"
7) "My husband's much more understanding!"
8) "Indescribable rage and agony..."
9) "I sought help but quit many therapies due to somebody’s breathing, gum chewing, a clock ticking…"
10) "I want to take a swing at the people I love the most"
2) A typical sufferer's account
3) "It felt like a jolt of electric anger..."
4) “When you hear someone else describe their experiences, you just know…”
5) "I don't want to get close to my husband..."
6) "I'm so happy I found this group!"
7) "My husband's much more understanding!"
8) "Indescribable rage and agony..."
9) "I sought help but quit many therapies due to somebody’s breathing, gum chewing, a clock ticking…"
10) "I want to take a swing at the people I love the most"
YouTube user Scott shares his experience of misophonia
A typical misophonia sufferer's account
"All I can say is 'wow'. After 40 years of this most baffling and strange affliction including attempts to fix it with docs, counsellors and hypnosis - none of whom had answers or could relate to what was going on - I discovered the word “misophonia”. I still can’t believe others have these bizarre and life-affecting issues.
I’m in my 40’s and saw my first therapist for this in college. Since then, I’ve seen a total of 7 therapists: two psychiatrists, three psychologists and two hypnotherapists. Although they were mostly good docs, none of them could help and none of them really seemed familiar with this type of issue - they didn’t know of similar cases and didn’t seem to have any particular insight on how to approach it.
My “problem” is with severe irritation to particular noises and visual inputs, although using the word “severe” is a tremendous understatement. These “irritations” can enrage me to an extent it’s difficult to describe. It’s almost like a switch is flipped in my brain. The irritations started when I was around 6 years old with just one stimulus. Unfortunately, over time, that one stimulus has grown to include many other things that are vaguely similar to the original stimulus.
Around six years old, my Mom’s snapping of her gum began to bother me. She was a prolific gum chewer and almost every other chew of her jaw would produce a pop from her gum. (Just writing this angers me enough to want to throw my keyboard out the window). Soon, it was not just the snapping that bothered me but merely the sight of her chewing gum would do it as well, although the actual popping noise still produced the most rage. I dealt with it by trying to put up with it, avoiding it, complaining about it, getting her to throw out her gum, but whatever I did was no match for the rage that would come on when exposed to this. I could never put a dent in it. When exposed to someone else who was popping their gum, I would flee if I could.
I now think of my Mom’s gum popping as the “original and primary” irritation.
Within less than a year, this irritation had grown to include my family’s eating noises. (I now think of all the other irritations that grew from the original gum popping as “secondary.”)
I hated to sit down at the table with my family for meals or be around my brother when he ate his cereal in the morning. I would throw tantrums at the table and get sent to my room to eat; this was a huge relief because I was away from the irritation. When it became obvious to my parents sending me to my room wasn’t a good solution, they forced me to stay at the table for meals. This was excruciatingly unbearable and I would sit there and try and put up with it, kind of feeling like my head was going to explode the whole time and some how make it through most meals. Things that were crunchy were the worst; salad, crisps, raw vegetables, carrots etc.
Little by little, the problem expanded. Soon, my family’s breathing noises began to bother me. Sleeping with someone else in the room, overnight camping trips or a stay in a motel room with the family, were terrible. Then, I guess, “building” on the eating noises, I couldn’t stand hearing the clink and clatter of my family using their spoons/knife/forks while eating ie I’m in my bedroom with the door shut and my Dad’s eating his bowl of cereal in the kitchen and a million frigging times his spoon hits the bowl, especially at the end when he just has to get every single last molecule of milk and cereal out of the bowl. Here’s another weird one; my Dad would always sit in the living room or in front of the TV with his legs crossed and the ankle of his crossed leg he would rotate around and around and around. I couldn’t stand this.
My response to living where so many things drove me crazy was to spend as much time alone away from my family as possible.
Up through high school, the number of items that bothered me “grew” slowly. And here’s an interesting observation: the original, primary irritation of my Mom’s popping gum that enraged me so much… if a stranger popped their gum, it would produce a huge reaction from me while if this stranger did something that was a “secondary” irritation, it wouldn’t bother me as much; ie I could be in a cafeteria with friends eating and it wasn’t much of a problem, especially if there was a lot of ambient noise; I could be with a friend who was chewing gum but not popping it and it would bug me but not enrage me, I could be in a restaurant with friends and do OK. As I got older this began to change. Even by the time I was into high school I was noticing I could no longer go to a movie because of all the people eating their ****ing popcorn. All that chewing noise would just enrage me. Now it wasn’t just my family’s chewing noises but others chewing crunchy stuff that would do it.
Into college and for the last 20 years since, my irritations have grown to include many more things and my reactions to them are stronger and quicker. I’ve been dumbfounded by this over the years and think it’s the strangest thing. I avoid restaurants, movie theatres and will never ever put myself in a group situation such as attending a play, lecture or talk. There’s always someone there doing something that sets me off. Still at the top of the list is popping gum or even the sight of someone chewing gum; I can’t even stand to have the TV on a baseball game because so many of the players chew gum. Clicking, snapping noises are bad, finger nail clippers are the worst.
But many other things do it as well. Here’s one of them that’s bizarre: almost any oscillatory, repetitive motion someone does angers me ie I’m in a book store in front of a row of books and out of the corner of my eye I see someone who’s sitting in a chair and bouncing their leg up and down, I hate it. Or I’m in my car at a stop light and the women in front of me is repetitively curling a length of her hair around her finger, over and over and over again, I can’t stand it a have to look away. Noise and clatter in general now puts me on edge to the extreme.
It feels to me as if there’s literally a physical nerve path in my brain that’s burned into place and somehow all these stimuli find their way onto this burned in path that goes straight to my centres for rage.
Through the psychiatrists, I’ve tried many of the modern antidepressants and also gave Depakote and Neurontin a try. None of these had an effect on the irritations. One psychologist tried some learned relaxation responses and another (who was quite good and I spent multiple years with) did more conventional therapy and while I developed much insight from it, it also had zero effect on the irritations. Needless to say, living like I do is a huge set up for depression. But at least I feel there’s a reason for the depression; I think if anyone lived this way depression would be an issue.
That’s my story in a nutshell. I was feeling close to the end of my rope until “discovering” a couple weeks ago there are other people with similar issues.
Based on my prior experience in seeking help, it’s very important to find a professional that knows what’s going on and how to treat it. Otherwise you just spend a whole lot of time trying to bring them up to speed with what this phenomenon is about.
I do have to say that this problem is so pervasive in me, so instinctive and the anger so overwhelming and primal at times that it’s hard to imagine there could be a solution for it."
I’m in my 40’s and saw my first therapist for this in college. Since then, I’ve seen a total of 7 therapists: two psychiatrists, three psychologists and two hypnotherapists. Although they were mostly good docs, none of them could help and none of them really seemed familiar with this type of issue - they didn’t know of similar cases and didn’t seem to have any particular insight on how to approach it.
My “problem” is with severe irritation to particular noises and visual inputs, although using the word “severe” is a tremendous understatement. These “irritations” can enrage me to an extent it’s difficult to describe. It’s almost like a switch is flipped in my brain. The irritations started when I was around 6 years old with just one stimulus. Unfortunately, over time, that one stimulus has grown to include many other things that are vaguely similar to the original stimulus.
Around six years old, my Mom’s snapping of her gum began to bother me. She was a prolific gum chewer and almost every other chew of her jaw would produce a pop from her gum. (Just writing this angers me enough to want to throw my keyboard out the window). Soon, it was not just the snapping that bothered me but merely the sight of her chewing gum would do it as well, although the actual popping noise still produced the most rage. I dealt with it by trying to put up with it, avoiding it, complaining about it, getting her to throw out her gum, but whatever I did was no match for the rage that would come on when exposed to this. I could never put a dent in it. When exposed to someone else who was popping their gum, I would flee if I could.
I now think of my Mom’s gum popping as the “original and primary” irritation.
Within less than a year, this irritation had grown to include my family’s eating noises. (I now think of all the other irritations that grew from the original gum popping as “secondary.”)
I hated to sit down at the table with my family for meals or be around my brother when he ate his cereal in the morning. I would throw tantrums at the table and get sent to my room to eat; this was a huge relief because I was away from the irritation. When it became obvious to my parents sending me to my room wasn’t a good solution, they forced me to stay at the table for meals. This was excruciatingly unbearable and I would sit there and try and put up with it, kind of feeling like my head was going to explode the whole time and some how make it through most meals. Things that were crunchy were the worst; salad, crisps, raw vegetables, carrots etc.
Little by little, the problem expanded. Soon, my family’s breathing noises began to bother me. Sleeping with someone else in the room, overnight camping trips or a stay in a motel room with the family, were terrible. Then, I guess, “building” on the eating noises, I couldn’t stand hearing the clink and clatter of my family using their spoons/knife/forks while eating ie I’m in my bedroom with the door shut and my Dad’s eating his bowl of cereal in the kitchen and a million frigging times his spoon hits the bowl, especially at the end when he just has to get every single last molecule of milk and cereal out of the bowl. Here’s another weird one; my Dad would always sit in the living room or in front of the TV with his legs crossed and the ankle of his crossed leg he would rotate around and around and around. I couldn’t stand this.
My response to living where so many things drove me crazy was to spend as much time alone away from my family as possible.
Up through high school, the number of items that bothered me “grew” slowly. And here’s an interesting observation: the original, primary irritation of my Mom’s popping gum that enraged me so much… if a stranger popped their gum, it would produce a huge reaction from me while if this stranger did something that was a “secondary” irritation, it wouldn’t bother me as much; ie I could be in a cafeteria with friends eating and it wasn’t much of a problem, especially if there was a lot of ambient noise; I could be with a friend who was chewing gum but not popping it and it would bug me but not enrage me, I could be in a restaurant with friends and do OK. As I got older this began to change. Even by the time I was into high school I was noticing I could no longer go to a movie because of all the people eating their ****ing popcorn. All that chewing noise would just enrage me. Now it wasn’t just my family’s chewing noises but others chewing crunchy stuff that would do it.
Into college and for the last 20 years since, my irritations have grown to include many more things and my reactions to them are stronger and quicker. I’ve been dumbfounded by this over the years and think it’s the strangest thing. I avoid restaurants, movie theatres and will never ever put myself in a group situation such as attending a play, lecture or talk. There’s always someone there doing something that sets me off. Still at the top of the list is popping gum or even the sight of someone chewing gum; I can’t even stand to have the TV on a baseball game because so many of the players chew gum. Clicking, snapping noises are bad, finger nail clippers are the worst.
But many other things do it as well. Here’s one of them that’s bizarre: almost any oscillatory, repetitive motion someone does angers me ie I’m in a book store in front of a row of books and out of the corner of my eye I see someone who’s sitting in a chair and bouncing their leg up and down, I hate it. Or I’m in my car at a stop light and the women in front of me is repetitively curling a length of her hair around her finger, over and over and over again, I can’t stand it a have to look away. Noise and clatter in general now puts me on edge to the extreme.
It feels to me as if there’s literally a physical nerve path in my brain that’s burned into place and somehow all these stimuli find their way onto this burned in path that goes straight to my centres for rage.
Through the psychiatrists, I’ve tried many of the modern antidepressants and also gave Depakote and Neurontin a try. None of these had an effect on the irritations. One psychologist tried some learned relaxation responses and another (who was quite good and I spent multiple years with) did more conventional therapy and while I developed much insight from it, it also had zero effect on the irritations. Needless to say, living like I do is a huge set up for depression. But at least I feel there’s a reason for the depression; I think if anyone lived this way depression would be an issue.
That’s my story in a nutshell. I was feeling close to the end of my rope until “discovering” a couple weeks ago there are other people with similar issues.
Based on my prior experience in seeking help, it’s very important to find a professional that knows what’s going on and how to treat it. Otherwise you just spend a whole lot of time trying to bring them up to speed with what this phenomenon is about.
I do have to say that this problem is so pervasive in me, so instinctive and the anger so overwhelming and primal at times that it’s hard to imagine there could be a solution for it."
"It felt like a jolt of electric anger..."
"I seem to remember starting to notice I had an issue with eating noises when I was about 9-10 years old. It started with my Dad. I found myself unable to stand being in the same room as him when he was eating, sucking or chewing something. I didn't realise the way I reacted to the noises was odd or unusual. All I knew was I had to block out the sound and it made me want to cry. Every smack of his lips felt like a jolt of electric anger through me.
I self-diagnosed myself in the latter half of 2009. I was at work. A co-worker was noisily eating crisps. Feeling distressed, I randomly typed in to Google something along the lines of "hatred of eating sounds". I came across an article about hyperacusis - but this didn't seem to fit with the way I was feeling. Then on the same page I came across misophonia and every personal account I found of it on the internet I could 100% relate to. I felt glad that I wasn't just being overly critical, and that there were so many other people who felt the same.
I'm 20 now and, since finding a diagnosis for it, it's been a bit easier to explain it to people. Loved ones around me are able to understand and be more sensitive about it. My boyfriend has been really good about it all and luckily he isn't a noisy eater! When we are out and in a situation where it's difficult to escape a trigger noise, he never minds if I use earplugs (which I do a lot) or listen to music to block it out. He offers his own earphones if I forget them as well.
I'm still unable to deal with my dad's eating noises and I seem to be growing more sensitive to other noises as well, such as clicking pens, noisy pipes, rustling sweet and crisp wrappers. Also, a big one for me is hearing other people's music through their headphones or mobile phones when on public transport. I'm looking forward to meeting others with similar experiences and their methods of dealing with the trigger noises on a daily basis. Currently, I'm not sure if I will approach any specialists or audiologists with the issues, as I'm worried that I'll end up paying for some kind of treatment or service that won't work and wasting time and money."
"I seem to remember starting to notice I had an issue with eating noises when I was about 9-10 years old. It started with my Dad. I found myself unable to stand being in the same room as him when he was eating, sucking or chewing something. I didn't realise the way I reacted to the noises was odd or unusual. All I knew was I had to block out the sound and it made me want to cry. Every smack of his lips felt like a jolt of electric anger through me.
I self-diagnosed myself in the latter half of 2009. I was at work. A co-worker was noisily eating crisps. Feeling distressed, I randomly typed in to Google something along the lines of "hatred of eating sounds". I came across an article about hyperacusis - but this didn't seem to fit with the way I was feeling. Then on the same page I came across misophonia and every personal account I found of it on the internet I could 100% relate to. I felt glad that I wasn't just being overly critical, and that there were so many other people who felt the same.
I'm 20 now and, since finding a diagnosis for it, it's been a bit easier to explain it to people. Loved ones around me are able to understand and be more sensitive about it. My boyfriend has been really good about it all and luckily he isn't a noisy eater! When we are out and in a situation where it's difficult to escape a trigger noise, he never minds if I use earplugs (which I do a lot) or listen to music to block it out. He offers his own earphones if I forget them as well.
I'm still unable to deal with my dad's eating noises and I seem to be growing more sensitive to other noises as well, such as clicking pens, noisy pipes, rustling sweet and crisp wrappers. Also, a big one for me is hearing other people's music through their headphones or mobile phones when on public transport. I'm looking forward to meeting others with similar experiences and their methods of dealing with the trigger noises on a daily basis. Currently, I'm not sure if I will approach any specialists or audiologists with the issues, as I'm worried that I'll end up paying for some kind of treatment or service that won't work and wasting time and money."
“When you hear someone else describe their experiences, you just know…”
"I remember the very first time the triggers began to bother me. I was 10 years old and I started to notice a clicking sound that my parents made when they yawned. It bothered the hell out of me and I just wanted to escape from it. The annoyance came from nowhere, just switched on like a light. Every time they yawned, I would anxiously listen for the clicking sound. If I didn’t hear it, I would feel an enormous sense of relief. If I did, the panic/rage reaction would trigger. I began feeling the most enormous sense of dread, needed to get away from the sound at any cost, imagined the use of violence if I couldn’t, etc.
I soon discovered that mimicking the sound brought some relief but it was best not to hear it in the first place, by putting my fingers in my ears. Sometimes, I wouldn’t get there in time and the awful feeling would come. Over time, I began to be triggered by simply hearing the yawning itself. With my mother, I became hyper-aware of her breathing in general; even if she was over the other side of the room. Then, eating sounds began to bother me, particularly crunchy foods. My mother always fed us well, so we had a lot of fresh salad and fruit at mealtimes, and that was just purgatory. I tried to synchronise my eating with my mum but it’s impossible to get it right 100% of the time. And sometimes I became aware she knew what was going on, especially when I was mimicking her, and unsurprisingly looked really offended. Sometimes it all became too much and I would either ask people to eat more quietly, which would only end up antagonising them and didn’t do any good anyway, or I would say I needed to go to the loo and wait there until I thought everyone had finished.
Ever so often, a complete strange would trigger me. This would usually be after I had just been triggered by members of my family or when I was particularly tired.
Thirty years later, and I still have the condition. The number of people who trigger me badly has remained low, thank God, but when they do, they do so with a vengeance. Last year for the first time, I decided not to spend Christmas with the family because I knew it would be hell on earth for me. I felt very sad but have reached an age where I’m not willing to put myself through that kind of mental anguish when there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s a fairly crude coping strategy, but a necessary one.
Like everyone else, I thought I was the only person in the world who felt like this. I can’t believe it’s taken so long to work out it’s an actual condition. The thing is, when you hear someone else talk about their experiences, you just know that they have the same thing as you. We may differ on the details – trigger sounds, relationship to trigger, number of triggers, exact nature of reaction, age of onset, etc - but the underlying experience is exactly the same. At least I can say I’m no longer alone. And that helps a lot."
"I remember the very first time the triggers began to bother me. I was 10 years old and I started to notice a clicking sound that my parents made when they yawned. It bothered the hell out of me and I just wanted to escape from it. The annoyance came from nowhere, just switched on like a light. Every time they yawned, I would anxiously listen for the clicking sound. If I didn’t hear it, I would feel an enormous sense of relief. If I did, the panic/rage reaction would trigger. I began feeling the most enormous sense of dread, needed to get away from the sound at any cost, imagined the use of violence if I couldn’t, etc.
I soon discovered that mimicking the sound brought some relief but it was best not to hear it in the first place, by putting my fingers in my ears. Sometimes, I wouldn’t get there in time and the awful feeling would come. Over time, I began to be triggered by simply hearing the yawning itself. With my mother, I became hyper-aware of her breathing in general; even if she was over the other side of the room. Then, eating sounds began to bother me, particularly crunchy foods. My mother always fed us well, so we had a lot of fresh salad and fruit at mealtimes, and that was just purgatory. I tried to synchronise my eating with my mum but it’s impossible to get it right 100% of the time. And sometimes I became aware she knew what was going on, especially when I was mimicking her, and unsurprisingly looked really offended. Sometimes it all became too much and I would either ask people to eat more quietly, which would only end up antagonising them and didn’t do any good anyway, or I would say I needed to go to the loo and wait there until I thought everyone had finished.
Ever so often, a complete strange would trigger me. This would usually be after I had just been triggered by members of my family or when I was particularly tired.
Thirty years later, and I still have the condition. The number of people who trigger me badly has remained low, thank God, but when they do, they do so with a vengeance. Last year for the first time, I decided not to spend Christmas with the family because I knew it would be hell on earth for me. I felt very sad but have reached an age where I’m not willing to put myself through that kind of mental anguish when there’s nothing I can do about it. It’s a fairly crude coping strategy, but a necessary one.
Like everyone else, I thought I was the only person in the world who felt like this. I can’t believe it’s taken so long to work out it’s an actual condition. The thing is, when you hear someone else talk about their experiences, you just know that they have the same thing as you. We may differ on the details – trigger sounds, relationship to trigger, number of triggers, exact nature of reaction, age of onset, etc - but the underlying experience is exactly the same. At least I can say I’m no longer alone. And that helps a lot."
"I don't want to get close to my husband..."
"For many years now, I have wanted to murder someone when they make a lot of noise eating, drinking, burping or sniffing. And especially coughing. My husband is the worst. I want to hack his head off when he starts coughing! Then I positively can’t stand fingers clicking or newspapers rustling, or my daughter cracking her knuckles! I can’t tolerate cutlery scraping or knocking the sides of the plate. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I have often sat next to a big window and wanted to throw my tea cup right through it in a rage because of the noises. I am 49 years old and have only recently heard of misophonia. I am gobsmacked because, for all these years, I thought I was being pathetic and losing the plot over something so stupid. I would go as far as to say that because of the noises my husband makes, I do not want to get close to him. Well, that’s a part of it anyway. I know these noises drive me into an irrational rage and I am really upset and want to run away. It drives me crazy…"
"For many years now, I have wanted to murder someone when they make a lot of noise eating, drinking, burping or sniffing. And especially coughing. My husband is the worst. I want to hack his head off when he starts coughing! Then I positively can’t stand fingers clicking or newspapers rustling, or my daughter cracking her knuckles! I can’t tolerate cutlery scraping or knocking the sides of the plate. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it. I have often sat next to a big window and wanted to throw my tea cup right through it in a rage because of the noises. I am 49 years old and have only recently heard of misophonia. I am gobsmacked because, for all these years, I thought I was being pathetic and losing the plot over something so stupid. I would go as far as to say that because of the noises my husband makes, I do not want to get close to him. Well, that’s a part of it anyway. I know these noises drive me into an irrational rage and I am really upset and want to run away. It drives me crazy…"
"I'm so happy I found this group!"
"Wow, I am so happy that I found this group! I didn't know that this had a name, or more importantly, that other people suffered in the same way and to the same degree as I do. I know that it drives my family members crazy. I often feel very mean when I react to people making noises. Sometimes I feel justified, like when someone is chewing gum - or worse, popping and snapping it - but oftentimes it could just be someone eating quietly but reaching into the snack bag and making a rustling noise. It is a bit unavoidable - although they could just dump it all out! The bottom line is it makes me so unhappy to be so upset about these things and I would really like to make it stop. I don't think I suffered any trauma as a child so I don't know if it is neurological rather than psychological. I'd like to think it was neurological, and that there was a cure for it."
"Wow, I am so happy that I found this group! I didn't know that this had a name, or more importantly, that other people suffered in the same way and to the same degree as I do. I know that it drives my family members crazy. I often feel very mean when I react to people making noises. Sometimes I feel justified, like when someone is chewing gum - or worse, popping and snapping it - but oftentimes it could just be someone eating quietly but reaching into the snack bag and making a rustling noise. It is a bit unavoidable - although they could just dump it all out! The bottom line is it makes me so unhappy to be so upset about these things and I would really like to make it stop. I don't think I suffered any trauma as a child so I don't know if it is neurological rather than psychological. I'd like to think it was neurological, and that there was a cure for it."
My husband's much more understanding!
"I feel like a great weight has been lifted. I truly believed that I was insane, neurotic, unlovable and incapable of relationships until yesterday, when I discovered this on the internet. My marriage has suffered because my husband has breathing/nasal passage problems. But, now I have been able to give him a name for this condition and show him there are others like me, he is much more understanding. He even suggested putting a radio in the dining room!" LUCY BRYANT, UK,
"I feel like a great weight has been lifted. I truly believed that I was insane, neurotic, unlovable and incapable of relationships until yesterday, when I discovered this on the internet. My marriage has suffered because my husband has breathing/nasal passage problems. But, now I have been able to give him a name for this condition and show him there are others like me, he is much more understanding. He even suggested putting a radio in the dining room!" LUCY BRYANT, UK,
Indescribable rage and agony...
"I felt a sense of relief to know there are others who suffer from this condition. Those who do not have it cannot understand how something which seems so benign can cause such agony.
My problem comes from a young lady in my office who talks incessantly. Listening to her is truly agony, day after day after day. This girl talks too loudly, but the problem is not simply how loudly she talks. It is the incessant nature of her talking, the manic intensity, the unrestrained outpouring of emotion, and her high-pitched screeching tone of voice. It annoys others in my office, but not with the intensity I feel.
I do not dislike her personally, and working with her on a one-on-one basis is not a problem. But when she begins talking, the feeling is not simply extreme annoyance. It is indescribable rage and agony. Many days I leave the office with a headache and stomach pains because of her. I am concerned about how she will affect my health in the long term. She is going to make me ill.
I developed ringing in my ears at about the time she started working here. I was advised by an ear, nose and throat specialist, after several tests, that there is no physical cause, and the most likely cause is excess noise.
I discussed this was several other professionals, including my doctor, another ENT specialist, and a couple of audiologists. They had no solution, except to wear ear plugs. I spent $80 to have them custom made, and they are only partially effective (and uncomfortable). The most understanding of these professionals was a psychologist whom I saw to for a number of years. While he had no remedy, he told me "it could shorten your life".
I cannot understand why modern medicine doesn't know more about this condition and hasn't found an effective remedy."
"I felt a sense of relief to know there are others who suffer from this condition. Those who do not have it cannot understand how something which seems so benign can cause such agony.
My problem comes from a young lady in my office who talks incessantly. Listening to her is truly agony, day after day after day. This girl talks too loudly, but the problem is not simply how loudly she talks. It is the incessant nature of her talking, the manic intensity, the unrestrained outpouring of emotion, and her high-pitched screeching tone of voice. It annoys others in my office, but not with the intensity I feel.
I do not dislike her personally, and working with her on a one-on-one basis is not a problem. But when she begins talking, the feeling is not simply extreme annoyance. It is indescribable rage and agony. Many days I leave the office with a headache and stomach pains because of her. I am concerned about how she will affect my health in the long term. She is going to make me ill.
I developed ringing in my ears at about the time she started working here. I was advised by an ear, nose and throat specialist, after several tests, that there is no physical cause, and the most likely cause is excess noise.
I discussed this was several other professionals, including my doctor, another ENT specialist, and a couple of audiologists. They had no solution, except to wear ear plugs. I spent $80 to have them custom made, and they are only partially effective (and uncomfortable). The most understanding of these professionals was a psychologist whom I saw to for a number of years. While he had no remedy, he told me "it could shorten your life".
I cannot understand why modern medicine doesn't know more about this condition and hasn't found an effective remedy."
"I sought help but quit many therapies due to somebody’s breathing, gum chewing, a clock ticking…"
I remember when it all started. I was 10 years old. After years of staying at home to raise me and my two siblings, my mother started working nights. At the motherless supper table, I would lash out at my brother and my dad for the way that they ate. I would then take my food, storm down to the basement and eat alone, with the TV cranked up. When, after a year, my mother stopped working nights, she forced me to eat with the family. Now, I am not suggesting that my misophonia was triggered by my mother’s working arrangements. This is just when the downward spiral began
.
I couldn’t handle family meal times and rarely ate at the table, something that my relatives would always comment on. I started to plug my ears to shield myself from the noises that my brother and dad made when they were eating, but not when we had company over for fear of their judgments. Of course, this would only lead to my dad telling me to take my fingers out of my ears. My brother would mock me endlessly and chew worse to provoke me. I would give the two guys what my dad coined “looks of death” to stop them eating like “pigs”, but this only fuelled their anger. They were doing nothing wrong. They were chewing as best as anyone could chew.
Eventually, I would fake going to the bathroom, where I could be shielded by the noise of a fan. I would have a good cry, go through the motions of flushing the toilet and washing my hands, and come back downstairs. The time I spent in there depended on the situation: five minutes when company was present, and 10-15 minutes for mealtimes with my immediate family. However, sometimes I would be so distraught with my immediate family that I would lock myself in until supper concluded and the clinking of someone putting away the dishes (it seemed like somebody was ALWAYS putting away the dishes) was over. Family meal times were a living hell.
It may have started with my brother’s and father’s eating, but, over the years, more noises began to irritate me – to the point of insanity:
The only way to deal with these noises in public was to leave. But what if I couldn’t? I would have inner meltdowns that manifested themselves through mysterious ailments which doctors could never quite figure out. For example, I would have symptoms of kidney stones, but doctors couldn’t find any, and the pain would eventually pass. Since finding out about misophonia, I’ve realized that the anxiety the noises created was the reason for my past medical issues.
I missed most of my last two years in elementary school due to symptoms resembling irritable bowel syndrome. In high school, I was involved in two car accidents and was the victim of three armed robberies. I missed most of the last two years there as well, due to chronic physical pain. After the first car accident, I never experienced a day without pain. I became extremely depressed and was tired all the time. At 16, my family physician diagnosed me with fibromyalgia (a syndrome characterized by a cycle of chronic pain, fatigue and depression) and I felt like what I went through on a daily basis was affirmed. It wasn’t “all in my head” like some doctors had told me. It was a bona fide condition. For 12 years, I was an advocate for fibromyalgia. I was interviewed on TV, wrote articles, gave speeches, and worked for the Arthritis Society. Yet the diagnosis never felt quite right. It sounded so general. It seemed to me that this was the term doctors gave patients when they didn’t know what exactly the person was suffering from. It seemed like half the people I knew either had fibromyalgia or were related to someone who did. Dealing with doctors and specialists just seemed to make everything more frustrating. I would wait hours in a jam-packed room in order to see a professional for a few minutes, and would leave feeling more alone and confused than before. Doctors put me on antidepressants and would up the dose until I felt high all the time. I couldn’t even find my emotions any more. They had disappeared. Two years ago, I was also diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder by a psychologist who saw me for all of five minutes. I didn’t understand how I was supposed to have OCD when I lacked compulsions. I now know that this too was a misdiagnosis. Besides giving me a label, those working in Canada’s medical system did not help me or point me in the right direction.
I eventually discovered misophonia/4S on the internet and am positive that most of my pain, fatigue, depression and anxiety stems from this syndrome. However, I know that this is not the answer to my noise issues. It seems that the older I get, the more certain noises bother me. I am extremely thankful for the online support group on this site. I hope we can work together to find out how to manage – if not cure – this isolating syndrome. I have tried nearly everything to ease the chronic pain that I thought was fibromyalgia, from hypnotherapy, acupuncture, Pilates, yoga, meditation, research, exercise, massage, reflexology, cognitive behavioural therapy, and chiropractic treatments, but I quit many of these due to somebody’s breathing, gum chewing, clock ticking, or some other noise disturbance. Paying for all of these treatments was not easy either. It was hard seeing all of my earnings go on trying to solve my problems when most people my age could spend or save their money on what they actually wanted. Don’t get me wrong. I wanted, and still want, to get better. It’s just that nothing I tried seemed to work. It felt like I was throwing my money away.
I grew up with a family and many friends who loved me, but I preferred to do things alone. I now know that this was so that I could shield myself from unwanted noises. People confused my independence with self-confidence, when actually this was the only way I could function. I ended friendships over noises like gum chewing, and my closest friends were people that didn’t like gum. Noises were my nemesis and I dealt with them through rage. Today, I harness humor as my weapon. I try to control my thoughts but it is beyond difficult. I refuse to give up and give in, although I feel so very, very tired all of the time. The most simple decision or task often seems insurmountable to me.
Since I have only recently become aware of misophonia, I find that my thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Looking back on my life, I feel a lot of guilt and shame for the way I dealt with my relationships and situations. I continue to beat myself up for how I managed my anger and frustration with various noises. I contemplate whether my husband and I should even start a family because I am terrified of how this syndrome would influence the lives of my future children. Nevertheless, I know that I need to take one step at a time.
As Carl Bard once said: “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new beginning.”
To all of us with misophonia, here’s to taking the first step in knowing that we are not alone, that we are not crazy, and that, together, we can overcome.
I remember when it all started. I was 10 years old. After years of staying at home to raise me and my two siblings, my mother started working nights. At the motherless supper table, I would lash out at my brother and my dad for the way that they ate. I would then take my food, storm down to the basement and eat alone, with the TV cranked up. When, after a year, my mother stopped working nights, she forced me to eat with the family. Now, I am not suggesting that my misophonia was triggered by my mother’s working arrangements. This is just when the downward spiral began
.
I couldn’t handle family meal times and rarely ate at the table, something that my relatives would always comment on. I started to plug my ears to shield myself from the noises that my brother and dad made when they were eating, but not when we had company over for fear of their judgments. Of course, this would only lead to my dad telling me to take my fingers out of my ears. My brother would mock me endlessly and chew worse to provoke me. I would give the two guys what my dad coined “looks of death” to stop them eating like “pigs”, but this only fuelled their anger. They were doing nothing wrong. They were chewing as best as anyone could chew.
Eventually, I would fake going to the bathroom, where I could be shielded by the noise of a fan. I would have a good cry, go through the motions of flushing the toilet and washing my hands, and come back downstairs. The time I spent in there depended on the situation: five minutes when company was present, and 10-15 minutes for mealtimes with my immediate family. However, sometimes I would be so distraught with my immediate family that I would lock myself in until supper concluded and the clinking of someone putting away the dishes (it seemed like somebody was ALWAYS putting away the dishes) was over. Family meal times were a living hell.
It may have started with my brother’s and father’s eating, but, over the years, more noises began to irritate me – to the point of insanity:
- the sound of my brother clinking his spoon on the bowl while he ate cereal every morning. This sound now bothers me no matter who makes it,
- my mom’s high heels click-clacking on the kitchen floor every morning before she went to work – now this sound bothers me wherever I am,
- people chewing gum (my number one trigger),
- people playing with change in their pockets,
- knitting needles tip-tapping together,
- water faucets dripping,
- clocks ticking,
- typing on computer keyboards,
- the sound of a student writing on a single sheet of paper, and
- even people just breathing.
The only way to deal with these noises in public was to leave. But what if I couldn’t? I would have inner meltdowns that manifested themselves through mysterious ailments which doctors could never quite figure out. For example, I would have symptoms of kidney stones, but doctors couldn’t find any, and the pain would eventually pass. Since finding out about misophonia, I’ve realized that the anxiety the noises created was the reason for my past medical issues.
I missed most of my last two years in elementary school due to symptoms resembling irritable bowel syndrome. In high school, I was involved in two car accidents and was the victim of three armed robberies. I missed most of the last two years there as well, due to chronic physical pain. After the first car accident, I never experienced a day without pain. I became extremely depressed and was tired all the time. At 16, my family physician diagnosed me with fibromyalgia (a syndrome characterized by a cycle of chronic pain, fatigue and depression) and I felt like what I went through on a daily basis was affirmed. It wasn’t “all in my head” like some doctors had told me. It was a bona fide condition. For 12 years, I was an advocate for fibromyalgia. I was interviewed on TV, wrote articles, gave speeches, and worked for the Arthritis Society. Yet the diagnosis never felt quite right. It sounded so general. It seemed to me that this was the term doctors gave patients when they didn’t know what exactly the person was suffering from. It seemed like half the people I knew either had fibromyalgia or were related to someone who did. Dealing with doctors and specialists just seemed to make everything more frustrating. I would wait hours in a jam-packed room in order to see a professional for a few minutes, and would leave feeling more alone and confused than before. Doctors put me on antidepressants and would up the dose until I felt high all the time. I couldn’t even find my emotions any more. They had disappeared. Two years ago, I was also diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder by a psychologist who saw me for all of five minutes. I didn’t understand how I was supposed to have OCD when I lacked compulsions. I now know that this too was a misdiagnosis. Besides giving me a label, those working in Canada’s medical system did not help me or point me in the right direction.
I eventually discovered misophonia/4S on the internet and am positive that most of my pain, fatigue, depression and anxiety stems from this syndrome. However, I know that this is not the answer to my noise issues. It seems that the older I get, the more certain noises bother me. I am extremely thankful for the online support group on this site. I hope we can work together to find out how to manage – if not cure – this isolating syndrome. I have tried nearly everything to ease the chronic pain that I thought was fibromyalgia, from hypnotherapy, acupuncture, Pilates, yoga, meditation, research, exercise, massage, reflexology, cognitive behavioural therapy, and chiropractic treatments, but I quit many of these due to somebody’s breathing, gum chewing, clock ticking, or some other noise disturbance. Paying for all of these treatments was not easy either. It was hard seeing all of my earnings go on trying to solve my problems when most people my age could spend or save their money on what they actually wanted. Don’t get me wrong. I wanted, and still want, to get better. It’s just that nothing I tried seemed to work. It felt like I was throwing my money away.
I grew up with a family and many friends who loved me, but I preferred to do things alone. I now know that this was so that I could shield myself from unwanted noises. People confused my independence with self-confidence, when actually this was the only way I could function. I ended friendships over noises like gum chewing, and my closest friends were people that didn’t like gum. Noises were my nemesis and I dealt with them through rage. Today, I harness humor as my weapon. I try to control my thoughts but it is beyond difficult. I refuse to give up and give in, although I feel so very, very tired all of the time. The most simple decision or task often seems insurmountable to me.
Since I have only recently become aware of misophonia, I find that my thoughts and emotions are all over the place. Looking back on my life, I feel a lot of guilt and shame for the way I dealt with my relationships and situations. I continue to beat myself up for how I managed my anger and frustration with various noises. I contemplate whether my husband and I should even start a family because I am terrified of how this syndrome would influence the lives of my future children. Nevertheless, I know that I need to take one step at a time.
As Carl Bard once said: “Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new beginning.”
To all of us with misophonia, here’s to taking the first step in knowing that we are not alone, that we are not crazy, and that, together, we can overcome.
"I want to take a swing at the people I love the most"
I need help with coping strategies because the anger that overcomes me when I hear people chewing or breathing hard is overwhelming. I want to take a swing at the people I love the most and it is very hard for me to control the anger. I have burst into tears multiple times, had to leave the room, even left a dinner with friends because I simply couldn't handle the noises.
My family members know that I am suffering. However, they seem to think I am just overreacting. My boyfriend of 3 years also thinks that I am just crazy and is constantly telling me that I am just hearing things. He tells me I could “control it if I wanted to”. I cannot control my anger at all and I am finding it harder and harder every day.
My symptoms started out about 10 years ago while sitting in church and hearing my father breathe hard throughout the service. My ears became sensitive to the sound and that’s when I first noticed my obsession and hatred to certain sounds. I would have to sit in a different row as my father just to get away from the sounds.
I then attended an etiquette class in which the instructor demanded that no one ever chew with their mouth open. I started noticing people and their eating habits, which is when I truly started feeling anger and hatred towards people due to sounds they were unintentionally making.
My family has heard me say "chew with your mouth closed" during every meal for years. They have gotten better but they still occasionally chew with their mouth open.
Recently, I have found that I cannot even be around them when they are eating crunchy food. I go into a phase of anger that causes me to quiver. I quench my fists and almost go numb throughout my body. I know this sounds extreme but this is what happens to me.
My shrink seems to think that I am just struggling with control problems and that I just want everything done my way and I flip when I do not get my way. This is far from the truth because I know this feeling only happens when I hear certain sounds and not when I do not get my way.
I really need help and if anyone thinks that they might know what would help please let me know. I am afraid that I will lose relationships with the ones I love the most because they are annoyed by my obsession.
I need help with coping strategies because the anger that overcomes me when I hear people chewing or breathing hard is overwhelming. I want to take a swing at the people I love the most and it is very hard for me to control the anger. I have burst into tears multiple times, had to leave the room, even left a dinner with friends because I simply couldn't handle the noises.
My family members know that I am suffering. However, they seem to think I am just overreacting. My boyfriend of 3 years also thinks that I am just crazy and is constantly telling me that I am just hearing things. He tells me I could “control it if I wanted to”. I cannot control my anger at all and I am finding it harder and harder every day.
My symptoms started out about 10 years ago while sitting in church and hearing my father breathe hard throughout the service. My ears became sensitive to the sound and that’s when I first noticed my obsession and hatred to certain sounds. I would have to sit in a different row as my father just to get away from the sounds.
I then attended an etiquette class in which the instructor demanded that no one ever chew with their mouth open. I started noticing people and their eating habits, which is when I truly started feeling anger and hatred towards people due to sounds they were unintentionally making.
My family has heard me say "chew with your mouth closed" during every meal for years. They have gotten better but they still occasionally chew with their mouth open.
Recently, I have found that I cannot even be around them when they are eating crunchy food. I go into a phase of anger that causes me to quiver. I quench my fists and almost go numb throughout my body. I know this sounds extreme but this is what happens to me.
My shrink seems to think that I am just struggling with control problems and that I just want everything done my way and I flip when I do not get my way. This is far from the truth because I know this feeling only happens when I hear certain sounds and not when I do not get my way.
I really need help and if anyone thinks that they might know what would help please let me know. I am afraid that I will lose relationships with the ones I love the most because they are annoyed by my obsession.
More personal experiences here!
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views expressed. Last content review: 23 March 2011.
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