Personal experiences 2
NB The material published here is either already in the public domain or Misophonia UK has secured the permission of the copyright owner. All the accounts have been given by real people, even if anonymised.
1) "I was sectioned because I couldn't bear the sound of my daughter's breathing."
2) A sister's heartfelt account.
3) "An outsider in my own home."
4) "A little love and understanding can go a long way"
5) Thank you
6) Why again, why now?
7) My daughters still love me, thank God
2) A sister's heartfelt account.
3) "An outsider in my own home."
4) "A little love and understanding can go a long way"
5) Thank you
6) Why again, why now?
7) My daughters still love me, thank God
"I was sectioned because I couldn't bear the sound of my daughter's breathing"
I’m a 52 year old female and I’ve suffered with misophonia since I was 11. Yesterday, I found out what it is. I cannot tell you the relief to know I’m not alone, although, of course, I would not wish this condition on anyone.
As a child, my mum grew very angry if I coughed, sniffled or tried to fall asleep in the daytime. I was told not to cough! I think this was the beginning of my misophonia. Relationships have been disastrous because I cannot sleep with anyone because of the sound of breathing. When my daughter was born, I was sectioned because I couldn’t be in a room with her, with the sound of her breathing while she was asleep. I have spent the last 25 years believing I’m insane. I have clinical depression and anxiety disorder. I spend most days in my room alone. My daughter is now 21 and she is an angel. She understands. We cope in our own way and are very close. Thank God.
Things that set me off include: eating, chewing on hands, nails, next door’s TV, music, breathing. I also have taken this further as in, if my daughter runs her hands through her hair, I feel the same because I know she is next going to suck her nails. Also, I cannot put up with things that aren’t to do with noise like the flashing light on the oven and the small red light that flashes on and off on the video. I have been very bad with depression lately because I cannot socialise due to this. I like to be alone rather that upset people with my aggression towards them. At least, now I know what it is. I have recently been researching ADHD and personality disorders etc, as I knew there was something different about me. In a way, misophonia is not good as there is no easy cure.
I’m a 52 year old female and I’ve suffered with misophonia since I was 11. Yesterday, I found out what it is. I cannot tell you the relief to know I’m not alone, although, of course, I would not wish this condition on anyone.
As a child, my mum grew very angry if I coughed, sniffled or tried to fall asleep in the daytime. I was told not to cough! I think this was the beginning of my misophonia. Relationships have been disastrous because I cannot sleep with anyone because of the sound of breathing. When my daughter was born, I was sectioned because I couldn’t be in a room with her, with the sound of her breathing while she was asleep. I have spent the last 25 years believing I’m insane. I have clinical depression and anxiety disorder. I spend most days in my room alone. My daughter is now 21 and she is an angel. She understands. We cope in our own way and are very close. Thank God.
Things that set me off include: eating, chewing on hands, nails, next door’s TV, music, breathing. I also have taken this further as in, if my daughter runs her hands through her hair, I feel the same because I know she is next going to suck her nails. Also, I cannot put up with things that aren’t to do with noise like the flashing light on the oven and the small red light that flashes on and off on the video. I have been very bad with depression lately because I cannot socialise due to this. I like to be alone rather that upset people with my aggression towards them. At least, now I know what it is. I have recently been researching ADHD and personality disorders etc, as I knew there was something different about me. In a way, misophonia is not good as there is no easy cure.
A sister's heartfelt account
My brother has been experiencing pain and agony for a long time now, I guess 10-plus years. He was somewhere around 13, maybe earlier, when he started to criticize us for our breathing. I couldn’t take a breath without getting a really nasty look from him, and I remember thinking, “What?? I’m JUST BREATHING!” I was furious at him for being so furious at me. What was I supposed to do? Stop breathing? I couldn’t inhale without feeling the rage inside me build because of his reaction to my breath. He would glare at me as if I had committed some unspeakable crime and should be punished for. In time, the same happened with my parents, especially our mom, if we made any noise that he didn’t like. It was aggravating and had us all angry and resentful.
Soon, my brother would begin raging, and at one point during his early adolescence, I’m pretty sure he pushed my mom out of the way so he could take off to his room. He was becoming violent and none of us understood why. He began eating alone because it made life easier for everyone.
He’s now in his 20s and, as we all learn more about this condition, we behave as functionally as possible – allowing him to get his food before us, letting him leave the room before we begin eating, etc. For the most part, it is working, but I know that he suffers, and he’ll tell you when you’re irritating him! Usually it’s a nasty glare or stomping off, but sometimes it’s full-on yelling.
Extended family members don’t get it and have really pushed him in unhelpful ways, such as forcing him to eat with them. It’s been family drama ever since. My immediate family is walking on eggshells when he is around – having to plan our snacks and meals without the freedom to enjoy them without fear of retaliation from him. It doesn’t seem like a big problem (planning meals and snacks) but surprisingly it is. Every time I want something to eat, I’ve got to check where he is and whether or not it is safe.
Sometimes, we find ourselves sneaking snacks as quickly as possible when he’s not around – not good for a family that has emotional ties to food. Imagine... feeling anxious and overwhelmed, so turning to food, then having a family member that freaks out when you do… then wanting to eat. It’s a nightmare at times! My brother WILL step away from us when we want to eat though, but it hurts to see him have to leave us to hide out while we do something so natural. He misses out on the social aspect of the meal.
I hear what sufferers are experiencing and I feel awful about it. It must be a horrid thing to deal with on a daily basis and to have little escape except for isolation. I feel for my brother more now that I have a better understanding about it, but it still doesn’t take back all the hurtful things he has said and done over the years. We’ve had a pretty horrible relationship that only recently has begun to get better.
With understanding and insight, we, as a family, because this is not an individual issue, are trying to cope and spend time together in as positive ways as possible. It’s tough. But as we develop coping strategies that we can all live with, we’ll manage. I’m glad to see that we’re not alone.
My brother has been experiencing pain and agony for a long time now, I guess 10-plus years. He was somewhere around 13, maybe earlier, when he started to criticize us for our breathing. I couldn’t take a breath without getting a really nasty look from him, and I remember thinking, “What?? I’m JUST BREATHING!” I was furious at him for being so furious at me. What was I supposed to do? Stop breathing? I couldn’t inhale without feeling the rage inside me build because of his reaction to my breath. He would glare at me as if I had committed some unspeakable crime and should be punished for. In time, the same happened with my parents, especially our mom, if we made any noise that he didn’t like. It was aggravating and had us all angry and resentful.
Soon, my brother would begin raging, and at one point during his early adolescence, I’m pretty sure he pushed my mom out of the way so he could take off to his room. He was becoming violent and none of us understood why. He began eating alone because it made life easier for everyone.
He’s now in his 20s and, as we all learn more about this condition, we behave as functionally as possible – allowing him to get his food before us, letting him leave the room before we begin eating, etc. For the most part, it is working, but I know that he suffers, and he’ll tell you when you’re irritating him! Usually it’s a nasty glare or stomping off, but sometimes it’s full-on yelling.
Extended family members don’t get it and have really pushed him in unhelpful ways, such as forcing him to eat with them. It’s been family drama ever since. My immediate family is walking on eggshells when he is around – having to plan our snacks and meals without the freedom to enjoy them without fear of retaliation from him. It doesn’t seem like a big problem (planning meals and snacks) but surprisingly it is. Every time I want something to eat, I’ve got to check where he is and whether or not it is safe.
Sometimes, we find ourselves sneaking snacks as quickly as possible when he’s not around – not good for a family that has emotional ties to food. Imagine... feeling anxious and overwhelmed, so turning to food, then having a family member that freaks out when you do… then wanting to eat. It’s a nightmare at times! My brother WILL step away from us when we want to eat though, but it hurts to see him have to leave us to hide out while we do something so natural. He misses out on the social aspect of the meal.
I hear what sufferers are experiencing and I feel awful about it. It must be a horrid thing to deal with on a daily basis and to have little escape except for isolation. I feel for my brother more now that I have a better understanding about it, but it still doesn’t take back all the hurtful things he has said and done over the years. We’ve had a pretty horrible relationship that only recently has begun to get better.
With understanding and insight, we, as a family, because this is not an individual issue, are trying to cope and spend time together in as positive ways as possible. It’s tough. But as we develop coping strategies that we can all live with, we’ll manage. I’m glad to see that we’re not alone.
An outsider in my own home
I am so happy to have found out that there is actually a legitimate name for what I have been suffering! I literally found out yesterday, and it has been so freeing.
I've had horrible family issues since about 7th grade, and around that time is probably when I started noticing my triggers. I can completely see how this condition is isolating as I have considered myself an outsider in my own home for many years now. It's also really hard for me to find, and the rare times that I do, maintain a relationship with somebody. I get really lonely. But for the most part, I lead a pretty normal life. It's just my home life that's always haunted me.
My brother, who is 2 years younger than me, would go around my high school, where I was liked and respected and would tell people what a horrible person I was because I couldn't stand my family's breathing and eating, and would explode at them for doing such normal things. It DOES sound ridiculous, because it is. And we would all get in horrible fights about it, and my parents would tell me to just get over it and not pay attention to noises. I told them I KNEW it was something inside of me, and that I wouldn't pay attention to noise if I had any control over it. But I find myself LISTENING for it. (And the visual thing too has recently started to bother me ie GUM chewing...just the sight of the jaw chomping disgusts me...even the thought of it.)
The worst part is when my friends do it. People described it on this website so perfectly as the fight or flight reflex. Of course I love my friends, but I have this one who smacks her gum SO loud...like obnoxious, and I can't be around it because I just get so angry. I hate this. And not many of my friends know the extent of it. They know that I don't like those sounds, but everyone has pet peeves. I hate it so much. I always get this overwhelming feeling that I HAVE to get out of the situation or I will explode. I'm only 19, but after reading all of these personal experiences, it seems like the triggers grow in number and severity. I'm so scared for that. I don't want to be isolated all my life. Like I said earlier, I am SO happy that I am not alone or crazy, but it's scary. I'm also terrified that I won't be able to have a family someday. I can't bear the idea that if I have children I might not be able to stand being around them.
I called my dad yesterday when I found out. I was expecting him to deny it, to be honest, to say I was just trying to justify my behavior, but he really believed me. He still thinks I can control it though. He's like well what are you going to do about it now? Even though I know there is no real cure. Sometimes, before he knew about this, he would eat really loud on purpose in situations where he knew I couldn't run away. This created such a rift between us. He didn't know it was a disorder, but in the back of my mind, I think I always knew. And I hate that it takes HAVING this problem to understand it. It even sounds ridiculous to me. But everyone's accounts are SPOT ON.
One thing that is very comforting is my cousin has the same thing. I think mine might be a little more severe. But her main triggers are breathing and foot shaking. Mine are mouth noises, and, recently moving in with a roommate in college, her COMPUTER KEYS. It drives me so crazy...I can even hear them with my music on full blast. And she is on the computer all the time because she refuses to make friends or leave the room. I can hear them right now.
You wanna know the crazy thing? My major is communication disorders. I'm going to be a speech-language pathologist, and I LOVE IT, but the other profession I was considering is audiology. They deal with hearing disorders, but I don't quite see what they would do about misophonia. I don't even think this is a hearing disorder... it's not an issue of whether we can hear or not. It's an issue of we hate what we hear. But that's beside the point. I just think it's crazy that I'm in this field and people on this site keep saying how they want to visit an audiologist. Whatever happens in the future with treatment, research, and awareness, I will NOT quit this major because I love it so much. I just don't want to be seen as a hypocrite or something.
That was QUITE a rant! I'm sorry, I'm just so relieved to have people to talk to who won't think I'm insane and can actually relate.
I am so happy to have found out that there is actually a legitimate name for what I have been suffering! I literally found out yesterday, and it has been so freeing.
I've had horrible family issues since about 7th grade, and around that time is probably when I started noticing my triggers. I can completely see how this condition is isolating as I have considered myself an outsider in my own home for many years now. It's also really hard for me to find, and the rare times that I do, maintain a relationship with somebody. I get really lonely. But for the most part, I lead a pretty normal life. It's just my home life that's always haunted me.
My brother, who is 2 years younger than me, would go around my high school, where I was liked and respected and would tell people what a horrible person I was because I couldn't stand my family's breathing and eating, and would explode at them for doing such normal things. It DOES sound ridiculous, because it is. And we would all get in horrible fights about it, and my parents would tell me to just get over it and not pay attention to noises. I told them I KNEW it was something inside of me, and that I wouldn't pay attention to noise if I had any control over it. But I find myself LISTENING for it. (And the visual thing too has recently started to bother me ie GUM chewing...just the sight of the jaw chomping disgusts me...even the thought of it.)
The worst part is when my friends do it. People described it on this website so perfectly as the fight or flight reflex. Of course I love my friends, but I have this one who smacks her gum SO loud...like obnoxious, and I can't be around it because I just get so angry. I hate this. And not many of my friends know the extent of it. They know that I don't like those sounds, but everyone has pet peeves. I hate it so much. I always get this overwhelming feeling that I HAVE to get out of the situation or I will explode. I'm only 19, but after reading all of these personal experiences, it seems like the triggers grow in number and severity. I'm so scared for that. I don't want to be isolated all my life. Like I said earlier, I am SO happy that I am not alone or crazy, but it's scary. I'm also terrified that I won't be able to have a family someday. I can't bear the idea that if I have children I might not be able to stand being around them.
I called my dad yesterday when I found out. I was expecting him to deny it, to be honest, to say I was just trying to justify my behavior, but he really believed me. He still thinks I can control it though. He's like well what are you going to do about it now? Even though I know there is no real cure. Sometimes, before he knew about this, he would eat really loud on purpose in situations where he knew I couldn't run away. This created such a rift between us. He didn't know it was a disorder, but in the back of my mind, I think I always knew. And I hate that it takes HAVING this problem to understand it. It even sounds ridiculous to me. But everyone's accounts are SPOT ON.
One thing that is very comforting is my cousin has the same thing. I think mine might be a little more severe. But her main triggers are breathing and foot shaking. Mine are mouth noises, and, recently moving in with a roommate in college, her COMPUTER KEYS. It drives me so crazy...I can even hear them with my music on full blast. And she is on the computer all the time because she refuses to make friends or leave the room. I can hear them right now.
You wanna know the crazy thing? My major is communication disorders. I'm going to be a speech-language pathologist, and I LOVE IT, but the other profession I was considering is audiology. They deal with hearing disorders, but I don't quite see what they would do about misophonia. I don't even think this is a hearing disorder... it's not an issue of whether we can hear or not. It's an issue of we hate what we hear. But that's beside the point. I just think it's crazy that I'm in this field and people on this site keep saying how they want to visit an audiologist. Whatever happens in the future with treatment, research, and awareness, I will NOT quit this major because I love it so much. I just don't want to be seen as a hypocrite or something.
That was QUITE a rant! I'm sorry, I'm just so relieved to have people to talk to who won't think I'm insane and can actually relate.
"A little love and understanding can go a long way"
I am 40 years old and have two sons, aged 6 and 12. I have been married to my husband for 18 years now. I didn't know I had misophonia until tonight. I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses and we believe strongly in family bible study, where all family members are present.
As a young person, around the age 10 or 12, I knew there was something "wrong" with me because I could not bear family Bible study. My brother had asthma and would breathe through his mouth, which would drive me crazy. Every word he read from the scripture started and ended with a small mucousy smacking noise. I thought I hated him and would fantasize about him dying just so I wouldn't have to hear his noises. I thought I was the Devil and I fought the terrible feelings throughout my childhood. I stopped eating at the table with the family by age 16.
"I am so happy there are people who are honest enough to tell the truth."
My husband then became my trigger person and remained so until my youngest son was born. Now, this has saddened me and really ruined my life. I cannot sit on the same couch with him. I have avoided having any prolonged contact since he was six. He is 12 now. I hug him and tell him I love him, but I'm cringing inside the whole time. When he eats in front of me, or has a cold or cough, I am just wild on the inside and have to get away. I don't know what all this has done to him and I have tried to hide the full extent of my problem. I talked to him tonight about this diagnosis and he was amazed and said that he knew something was wrong.
I hope a cure can be found and am so happy that there are people honest enough to tell the truth about what they feel. This can potentially be a very embarrassing problem and humiliating debility, but it is real, and honest people make it easier for people like me who were completely in the dark. My son, the trigger person, is an honors student and loves to read and is generally a happy person. I figure I haven't crippled him entirely. I love my children and my husband and I have found ways to let them know this, even though I have such a miserable disorder. I don't think it is a hopeless disease and people who have it can still have relatively normal families. A little love and understanding can go a long way.
I am 40 years old and have two sons, aged 6 and 12. I have been married to my husband for 18 years now. I didn't know I had misophonia until tonight. I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses and we believe strongly in family bible study, where all family members are present.
As a young person, around the age 10 or 12, I knew there was something "wrong" with me because I could not bear family Bible study. My brother had asthma and would breathe through his mouth, which would drive me crazy. Every word he read from the scripture started and ended with a small mucousy smacking noise. I thought I hated him and would fantasize about him dying just so I wouldn't have to hear his noises. I thought I was the Devil and I fought the terrible feelings throughout my childhood. I stopped eating at the table with the family by age 16.
"I am so happy there are people who are honest enough to tell the truth."
My husband then became my trigger person and remained so until my youngest son was born. Now, this has saddened me and really ruined my life. I cannot sit on the same couch with him. I have avoided having any prolonged contact since he was six. He is 12 now. I hug him and tell him I love him, but I'm cringing inside the whole time. When he eats in front of me, or has a cold or cough, I am just wild on the inside and have to get away. I don't know what all this has done to him and I have tried to hide the full extent of my problem. I talked to him tonight about this diagnosis and he was amazed and said that he knew something was wrong.
I hope a cure can be found and am so happy that there are people honest enough to tell the truth about what they feel. This can potentially be a very embarrassing problem and humiliating debility, but it is real, and honest people make it easier for people like me who were completely in the dark. My son, the trigger person, is an honors student and loves to read and is generally a happy person. I figure I haven't crippled him entirely. I love my children and my husband and I have found ways to let them know this, even though I have such a miserable disorder. I don't think it is a hopeless disease and people who have it can still have relatively normal families. A little love and understanding can go a long way.
Thank you
I am honestly in tears right now! I finally figured out what is wrong with me. Knowing this would have saved me from many fights with family and exes. I used to think I was just a bitch, who snapped on everyone but myself for making repetitive noises or movements... but when I did it, it was OK.
There are times when i just want to swing at the person, or throw something across the room, because of a sound that was constant, to the point where I would just stop and leave and clench my fists to avoid screaming or breaking something, or someone.
It’s very scary. It’s like the ultimate button is pushed so quickly that you can’t even think to do anything but snap or just freak out. Typing, breathing, pen clicks!! My God, I would hand in exams with blank answers just to get out of the room where someone was tapping their foot or clicking their pen.
I’m actually going to my doctor next week because I am more than a million percent convinced I know what’s wrong with me now. Hopefully this is further researched and gets the recognition it deserves, because, to be honest, it could save a lot of relationships and lives.
At times, you’re just so fed up with the way things drive you crazy that you want to just disappear because no one understands your irritability. Thank you once again.
I am honestly in tears right now! I finally figured out what is wrong with me. Knowing this would have saved me from many fights with family and exes. I used to think I was just a bitch, who snapped on everyone but myself for making repetitive noises or movements... but when I did it, it was OK.
There are times when i just want to swing at the person, or throw something across the room, because of a sound that was constant, to the point where I would just stop and leave and clench my fists to avoid screaming or breaking something, or someone.
It’s very scary. It’s like the ultimate button is pushed so quickly that you can’t even think to do anything but snap or just freak out. Typing, breathing, pen clicks!! My God, I would hand in exams with blank answers just to get out of the room where someone was tapping their foot or clicking their pen.
I’m actually going to my doctor next week because I am more than a million percent convinced I know what’s wrong with me now. Hopefully this is further researched and gets the recognition it deserves, because, to be honest, it could save a lot of relationships and lives.
At times, you’re just so fed up with the way things drive you crazy that you want to just disappear because no one understands your irritability. Thank you once again.
Why again, why now?
For me, it began at around the age of 9. It was almost completely localized around my father, hating everything about his eating. Through the years, it eased off slightly, but ultimately not until he died. Sadly, that is what "cured" the problem. Now, almost 8 years after his death, I find it starting again. This time, I am suddenly angry with my wife for the way she eats, something that had never bothered me before. We have been together almost 6 years. It is so perplexing to me that it has started again, the timing of it.
For me, it began at around the age of 9. It was almost completely localized around my father, hating everything about his eating. Through the years, it eased off slightly, but ultimately not until he died. Sadly, that is what "cured" the problem. Now, almost 8 years after his death, I find it starting again. This time, I am suddenly angry with my wife for the way she eats, something that had never bothered me before. We have been together almost 6 years. It is so perplexing to me that it has started again, the timing of it.
My daughters still love me, thank God
I remember sitting on the kitchen floor at 3 or 4 years of age, having my attention caught by our neighbour chewing gum and her dentures clicking and clacking, and being annoyed by that noise. I slept with two brothers. One snored, so I would keep a pile of shoes at hand to throw at his head during the night. Even moderate breathing would keep me from falling asleep for hours. When my sister ate an apple, I would cringe and complain of the noise. If anybody had a stuffy head and made repeated sniffling noises, I would become irate. Mum took me to a hearing specialist when I was 8 and they said I was fine. If anyone bit or clipped their fingernails, I became irate. We had a yappy dog, who I hated. I am now 57 years old and am still not in control of my emotions evoked by noises. I enjoy most music, at reasonable volumes. I worked in construction and was well able to tolerate the loud noises there, with the exception of backup beepers on heavy equipment.
My doctors say I am obsessive/compulsive, depressed and have high anxiety, and perhaps Aspergers'. I get irritated looking at a photo of someone blowing bubble gum. I can’t stand dangling earrings, pearls, beads, or gaudy jewellery of any kind. Now, if anybody cracks their gum, I have a strong and immediate urge to kill them. I made my daughters learn to eat without making any clinking, slurping or crunching noises, for which I feel great guilt. They still love me, thank God. I have kidnapped dogs and dropped them off 100 miles away because of barking. My wife was very understanding but, after 20 years, could take no more of my eccentricities and put me out. I hate wind chimes, jingle bells, Salvation Army bells, chewing ice, chewing with an open mouth, talking with a full mouth, wrinkling of cellophane, clicking pens, jingling keys or coins, crackling plastic bottles. I am not delusional, schizophrenic or paranoid, but I do feel as though I’m crazy.
I remember sitting on the kitchen floor at 3 or 4 years of age, having my attention caught by our neighbour chewing gum and her dentures clicking and clacking, and being annoyed by that noise. I slept with two brothers. One snored, so I would keep a pile of shoes at hand to throw at his head during the night. Even moderate breathing would keep me from falling asleep for hours. When my sister ate an apple, I would cringe and complain of the noise. If anybody had a stuffy head and made repeated sniffling noises, I would become irate. Mum took me to a hearing specialist when I was 8 and they said I was fine. If anyone bit or clipped their fingernails, I became irate. We had a yappy dog, who I hated. I am now 57 years old and am still not in control of my emotions evoked by noises. I enjoy most music, at reasonable volumes. I worked in construction and was well able to tolerate the loud noises there, with the exception of backup beepers on heavy equipment.
My doctors say I am obsessive/compulsive, depressed and have high anxiety, and perhaps Aspergers'. I get irritated looking at a photo of someone blowing bubble gum. I can’t stand dangling earrings, pearls, beads, or gaudy jewellery of any kind. Now, if anybody cracks their gum, I have a strong and immediate urge to kill them. I made my daughters learn to eat without making any clinking, slurping or crunching noises, for which I feel great guilt. They still love me, thank God. I have kidnapped dogs and dropped them off 100 miles away because of barking. My wife was very understanding but, after 20 years, could take no more of my eccentricities and put me out. I hate wind chimes, jingle bells, Salvation Army bells, chewing ice, chewing with an open mouth, talking with a full mouth, wrinkling of cellophane, clicking pens, jingling keys or coins, crackling plastic bottles. I am not delusional, schizophrenic or paranoid, but I do feel as though I’m crazy.
If you wish to submit your account of misophonia for publication (to be anonymised unless you consent otherwise), whether as a person with misophonia, family member or friend, please email us here. Misophonia UK reserves the right to edit any entries before publication. Misophonia UK does not necessarily endorse or promote the views expressed. Last content review: 23 March 2011.
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